A shy dog is like a person with stage fright. Every time the person hears the word “stage,” he experiences a fear reaction characterized by a surge of adrenaline, heart palpitations, nervousness, anxiety, and nausea.
One of the benefits of being human is that we can make a conscious effort to change our state of mind and shift our focus voluntarily. Our dogs are not so fortunate. They are not able to strike up an internal dialogue and reflect on their mental hang-ups of being shy and reactive to every new noise, sound, or person, nor can they read a self-help book, seek out a therapist, or hire a Life Coach!
Many of us lack sufficient knowledge and understanding about canine behavior, so we do what is natural to us: we relate to our dogs as we do to our own species.
For instance, we may give affection to try to calm our dogs down when they’re barking, growling, or growing over-excited at a specific stimulus in the environment. We pet them and talk to them in the same tone that we use when praising them for good behavior, then we’re puzzled when they do not listen to us.
I highly recommend that before adopting a dog, you learn as much as you can about canine psychology. In the process, steer clear of information that encourages physical, violent, or harsh disciplinary methods. Compliance by force is a barbaric and outdated method of communicating with dogs. I have worked with virtually all types of dogs and behaviors and can assure you that, though these methods may get your dog to follow instructions, they do it only out of fear.
Oftentimes, a kind-hearted individual adopts a dog who appears to be the sweetest dog ever. After several months, however, the dog begins to resemble the evil Stephen King canine, Kujo. The confused new owner doesn’t understand, and all too often the dog is surrendered back to the shelter and eventually put down. This is a tragic and preventable situation.
Before labeling your dog as bad, aggressive, neurotic, or shy, get in touch with your own behavior anomalies. Remember: the most effective way to teach is to lead by example. This extends to both humans and dogs. Realize that your dog responds to your energy and body language more than to your words and will model your behavior just as effectively as a young child. We devote an enormous amount of time trying to correct our dog’s behavior without realizing that the change we seek within them must start within ourselves.
If you are short on patience with yourself and others, odds are this same behavior will extend toward your dog. Work on your anger issues before getting a dog or problems will likely ensue. Are you shy, anxious and passive? Be aware of these tendencies and work on changing them or your relationship with your dog will suffer.
Here are some specific things to consider:
- If you are frustrated with your dog’s behavior while trying to train him, that emotion will keep your dog in an un-resourceful state of mind, preventing him from performing the way you would like him to.
- If you are concerned about your safety while home alone, your dogs protective instincts will kick in similarly without you even realizing it.
- If you get annoyed and impatient every time someone honks at you or cuts you off in traffic, don’t be surprised if your dog begins to manifest these same moods through what appears to be random barking or other unwanted behavior while in the car with you.
- Poor diet, lack of exercise, and a monotonous routine will create boredom, frustration and unhappiness in us and in our canine companions.
The key to helping our dogs live their best lives starts with us. Realize that the same things that affect your moods and states of mind will have a similar affect on your dog. Commit today to get in touch with your own emotional and behavioral challenges and put forth equal effort in improving yourself as you do in improving your dog.
There are no accidents in the universe. The dog you have is the dog you are meant to have. Let today be the first day of living your best lives!
Kevin Mendez is a Professional Life Coach, as well as a dog behaviorist and trainer who sees clients throughout the Bay Area. For more information about his work and to schedule a session, visit www.balancedandhealthydogs.com or call 415-375-9512.
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