Prowling Japantown one night, sniffing out some jazz and a good noodle house, I spied a pair of perky French Bulldogs skipping down the sidewalk in sweaters designed to look like little tux coats with stuffed shirts — doggie tails sticking out between the coat tails.
Got me thinking about doggie couture and other forms of excess, which naturally made me think of Trouble, a Maltese beloved of the late New York hotel magnate, Leona Helmsly. Upon her demise in August, the dandy dog inherited $12 million, to be doled out by a trusted trustee for his safety, she said.
But Leona violated a cardinal rule of the Tao — obsessive behavior inevitably triggers its opposite intent. “The blade over-sharpened becomes dull,” as dear old Lao Tsu liked to say.
Just imagine the hostility Leona’s children must now feel toward the dog. There are suddenly inheritance issues circling Trouble, who really only cares about having a good belly rub and a tasty bowl of kibble.
I see a Showtime docu-comedy using the dog’s name as the title. Instant classic! Comical… and karmical! Meanwhile, the dog has been moved to a safe house in Miami. Safe, in Miami? That’ll be the show’s running joke.
This is President’s Day month, so why not celebrate the dogs behind the presidents? After all, presidents and dogs go together like candidates and baby kissin’. FDR had his Scottish Terrier Fala and Nixon had Checkers. Can’t say “king me” without Checkers.
George Washington, half of the dynamic duo celebrated in January, scored valuable political points with his fondness for dogs. During the Revolutionary War, generals generally took their dogs with them to the battleground, and Washington was no exception. While fighting the Battle of Germantown against General Howe and the British forces in 1777, Washington rescued Howe’s dog from the perils of battle when it got loose from the enemy camp. (You know dogs, all roads lead to roam with them.) He sent the dog back to his master with a white flag and a gracious note, which, some say, weakened the resolve of the enemy soldiers against the kind-hearted Yanks.
The other half of the President’s Day ticket, Abe Lincoln, had his own ideas about animal protection. At home in Springfield, Illinois, he noticed that the cannon fire celebrating his election badly scared his Irish Setter mix, Fido. Abe decided to find a good home for him in Springfield rather than dragging him along when the family moved to the raucous capital of a turbulent nation. Unlike Washington, he loved his dog too much to bring him “to the battleground,” so to speak.
Alas, Fido was eventually conscripted to be a public figure anyway. After Lincoln was assassinated, what better way to aid the nation’s grieving process than to put the fallen leader’s favorite horse and dog on display before one and all? Despite Abe’s best intentions, Fido endured many train rides and twenty-one gun salutes.
Maybe Abe should have posed for a presidential photo with the dog. Maybe that photo would have softened the South’s feelings toward him, as the British troops’ feelings toward Washington were softened by his dog-related deeds. And, as a result, just maybe Mr. Lincoln could have lived a little longer.
And so, a President’s Day Proclamation. Hear ye, hear ye: Always bring your dog along as a character witness. She doesn’t have to be Lassie to rescue you from all manner of trouble.
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