The old Chihuahua sauntered out of the Richmond barrio market and spotted a pigeon loitering on the sidewalk.
He kept sauntering toward the pigeon, as if to say, “Okay, you know the drill. Let’s keep moving. Nothing to see here.” The pigeon walked a few feet down the sidewalk, in no hurry, bantering telepathically (as animals are wont to do), “Hey, this is a public throughway. I can be here if I want.” Not lunging or barking, the Chihuahua casually moved about two feet away from the pigeon and just stood there, his eloquent silence saying, “I said move along. Don’t make me bare the fangs.”
Apparently they’d been through this routine before. As the pigeon finally fluttered up to the roof of the market, I thought I heard him mutter, “Aw, why don’t you go lick yourself, kibble breath.” Those pigeons from the ‘hood got a lot o’ lip for a bird.
Dogs are naturals at guarding stuff — as long as they don’t take the wheel of the patrol car. I remember a post I saw on a security dog website, about a security officer who actually had her patrol car jacked by her guard dog. She left the engine running when she got out to open a gate, and the dog jumped into the front seat, bumping the car into gear. Apparently, the pooch then stepped on a spoke of the steering wheel and swerved the car out into the parking lot. The officer high-stepped after it, and a passing policeman joined in the merry chase. Fortunately, before the scene became an homage to the Keystone Kops, one of them managed to snatch the keys out of the ignition.
Though the guard was suspended for violating company policy, the canine’s dog license wasn’t revoked. He had only been following the lead of his handler, after all, driving around a bit to scope things out. (If dogs could actually drive, I wonder what cars they’d choose. Land Rovers, I suppose.)
Did you know that 21% of all dog owners sleep with their dogs? It may not be their original intention, but after their dogs snuggle up enough times while they’re snoozing, or keep them awake for a week by whining and scratching at the door, they eventually give in.
The article I read tells of one woman who took in a stray Cockapoo, gave it a bath, and set out a pad for the dog and a sleeping bag for herself on the back porch, so she could be hear the dog its first night at her home. In the morning, she discovered that the little fluff ball had squeezed through the cat door in the wee hours and slept warm and cozy on her bed, while she’d shivered all night outside. Maybe the dog’s message was, “Hey, I’m a Cockapoo. If you want to camp out, get a Husky!”
Also on the subject of canine communication, the London Daily Telegraph reported a while back that a psychology student at the University of Sussex planned to earn her doctorate by recording and analyzing dog noises to “study how man’s best friend communicates with sound.” Before she started barking up this particular tree, the young woman studied cat purring.
As if we didn’t know what a cat means when it purrs: “Mmmm, your lap is so warm and comfy. Surely you understand that your ultimate purpose right now is to be my cozy cushion. If you must have a cup of tea, have that no-good, layabout of a husband bring it to you.”
Anyhow, considering how dogs greet each other on the street, I’m not sure I want to know what they’re saying to each other or to me. Probably be best to keep some mystery in the relationship.
Forgive me for leaving you with a disturbing image, but a great Jimi Celeste joke just popped into my head. “I have a great dog,” he says. “Half Lab, half Pit Bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite my leg off, but she’ll always bring it back to me.”
Note to Pit Bull fanciers: We all know that Pit Bulls can be very sweet. Celeste is just —how should I put it? – pulling our legs.
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