“Your business got a new Yelp review this week.”
If any of you out there own or work for a service-related business, this statement probably gives you a nervous feeling. That’s because many people turn to Yelp to give feedback on a business when they are upset, while fewer are motivated to express their appreciation.
I think this is because people simply expect good service as a matter of course rather than seeing it as a rather rare and lovely bonus. Therefore, they only feel a strong urge to leave feedback when their expectations are not met.
I think this is because people simply feel entitled to good service as a matter of course rather than seeing it as a lovely bonus. I bet the bad one is the one that keeps you up at night. It’s the one you carry with you, the one that sticks in your craw.
So what does all this have to do with dog training?
In the wise words of Dr. Susan Friedman, “We humans are incredibly perceptive at seeing misbehavior.” This is true in the land of online reviews, and it’s particularly true when it comes to our significant others, our children, and our dogs.
I would add that, when it comes to dogs, we are very good at pointing out what we deem to be misbehavior, when often it’s just animal behavior that doesn’t meet our very human expectations.
Part of the problem may be that we don’t generally notice the absence of misbehavior. I have been struggling with this concept lately (as I have many times before) because I am raising two puppies right now, and for all of the sleepless nights, hundreds of potty runs, and hard work we’ve put in… their behavior is often unremarkable.
Don’t get me wrong, they prance politely by my side when walking on leash, they come when called, and they know how to sit in a flash, even at a distance. They have boundary training, meaning they do not leap across thresholds or out of cars the moment the doors are opened – which is imperative for safety as well as convenience. They sit politely and raise one paw in a friendly wave to greet people, and they can pass dogs on the street with no problem.
Their behavior is unremarkable because of all of the things they don’t do – the result of many hours of training via appropriate socialization/acclimation, classical and operant conditioning, and me taking the time to shape and develop “good” habits.
These pups don’t shy away from new people and they don’t startle at every new noise. If something does frighten them they have the confidence and history of good experiences to help them recover quickly and then cautiously investigate the source of the startle. They don’t bark or chew things up when left unattended and they don’t pull on leash or lunge or snap at passing dogs, bicycles, skateboards, or children. The list goes on and on. We’ve worked very hard.
Largely due to Hollywood, the Lassie Myth, and misguided wolf pack theory, many people seem to think their dogs should just inherently offer up “good” behavior. It is taken for granted. Dogs are seen as socially savvy, altruistic beings who “know” what we want and have an inherent desire to please us.
We blow off the good behavior as merely something we have every right to expect. Instead of taking the time to offer positive feedback in the form of praise and other rewards, we often focus on the few little things we don’t like about the way our dogs behave. Just like the typical Yelp reviewer.
There’s a funny thing about dog behavior, good or bad: what we focus on increases. Focusing on bad behavior can actually intensify it and most certainly will affect the quality of the relationship for both parties. So why not focus on the good and help it thrive?
Here’s a good question to ask when you don’t like your dog’s behavior: If this is ‘wrong,’ what is ‘right’? What behavior would I like to see in place of this one? Angrily saying “No!” and punishing your dog for doing what you don’t want will not get him to stop and magically fill the void with something you’d prefer.
It is up to you to effectively convey your expectations to your dog and then to both shape and reward the desired behavior when it shows up.
I challenge you to take the time to “see” all the good things your dog is already doing, including the absence of misbehaviors. Then be sure to fill her performance review with lots of love and praise.
Kelly Gorman Dunbar is Director of the Center for Applied Animal Behavior, where she recruits and trains the instructors for the Dunbar family business, SIRIUS® Puppy & Dog Training. She is the creator of the SIRIUS Sniffers scent-detection program. Kelly is also Founder and President of Open Paw and consults on various matters.
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